So i’m in the bathroom taking a bath, and Lito calls my house phone. Roomie answers, I hear him say “she’s unavailable” – so this is while my roomie is getting ready for work. So all is fine, and then Lito calls my cell phone. I hear my roomie get all pissed off and do his normal GRRRRR. So I’m in the tub laughing my ass off, oy!

After I get out, I asked him why he’s so pissed off – and he’s like “your friend called..” and I go “it’s none of your business” – and he’s like “it is my business when I’m trying to get fucking ready! they didn’t take the hint that you weren’t available the first time??” and i’m like – “dude, if I was out and about – which according to your unavailable message, it leaned towards me being out – thenn….I’d have my cellphone on!”

Stupid people rox my sox!

On another note though, I’m sure Lito’s going grrr as well sorry baby!

Sooo..yeah things are awesome – nuff said. I updated my site after months! Well, kindaish..not really did anything too much but..hopefully people understand why I haven’t updated. Blah blah.

And yups, in loves – strong, stable, and just awesome.

Anyways, catch ya later!

So yeah, something that’s been building up over time has officially hit the fan. LOL. Fun times, I’ll be busy this whole fucking day because of it. I deserve it though..

On another side, me and Lito are like..really really close enough to where it’s..we trust eachother fully. I know he will never judge me or look down on me. I am to the point where I feel secure, I know he accepts me fully – both positives and negatives, yes I have plenty of negatives to go around – and he knows that I accept him fully – I think he’s perfect, and my definition of perfection is not dictionary-valid. I would have never guessed things to turn out the way they are, but I’m extremely happy they did. Some of my friends (You know I’m talking to a long-nosed boi atm), are being tardo about this whole thing – but that’s fine. I know this long-nosed boi wants me happy, so that’s what matters.

But yeah, because of Lito I want to be a better person. When I was in my last…hugely serious relationship (my roomie atm) – I just felt like I was getting the short end of the stick. I lost a LOT of what I valued, I lost myself. I wasn’t happy, and the situation that it was – and still kinda is – I’m stuck. I know there are other roads to take, but this is the best option for me (as sad as that is). But, I’m dealing – I’m living. I’m happy. I’m looking at my future, and smiling – for the first time in a while. I hope my friends respect that. I hope they understand that I am finally seeing, like really really seeing – a sunshine at the end of the road.

I suppose I needed to vent about my family, I haven’t really thought about this lately, but..well…it’s more of a coping thing because it does hurt. Lately I’ve been distant towards them, for various reasons..

My dad, well..I’ve never felt like…he’s a dad-dad. I mean okay, we can’t choose and pick our dads, that’s fine – I get that. But he’s just, I mean he’s there for me – because he takes care of me by helping me go to school, and helping me with rent and such. But…I have never felt close to him. TBH, I feel like he uses money to try to buy love – and okay, yes I get that he does a lot for me and I am not trying to be ungrateful. It’s hard to fully explain things without going into depth, and also experiencing it. Plus, it’s like – my stepmom, ugh…everytime I go to their house I just feel – not apart of the family. I don’t feel like I fit in, or that I’m welcome. My dad is the only reason why I’m there in the first place, he wants to keep this whole family-image together, even though I just feel like it’s a lie. I just let these feelings rest and I set them aside, every once in a while it comes out – but yah..it’ll never mend – never be “fixed”. Some things are just..the way they are – you accept it and move on.

My mom on the other hand, ummm..well in my teen years she was in control of my treatment. I was diagnosed with Bipolar then, and she was there for me – I was grateful, I really needed someone looking out for me when I couldn’t look out for myself. But, she’s STILL trying to control my life. I’m going to school, I’m fine. But no, that’s not enough for her. I get her reasons, but I don’t need to constantly hear it. We got in a fight the last time we talked on the phone. And then I eventually told her why I never really, like REALLY talk to her (chit-chat is different) – it’s basically because she resorts to the worst case scenario. I tell her I’m depressed – her automatic response is “do you need go to the hospital?” – I mean, hello? Really? How does that help the situation. Just because I’m bipolar and I’m taking meds, does not mean I will not have feelings. I get sad, I get happy – it’s valid human emotions. I know when it’s overboard, I’ve learned to notice signs when it’s getting out of hand to where it’s the bipolar being shitty. She should trust me on that. But I never go to her when shit is going on in my life merely because she wants to control the situation and she just does not help anything. Maybe I’ll tell her AFTER it happens, and how it turns out – but never during. I don’t need that.

My grandma and I used to be really close, but ever since I’ve “grown up” – I’m still growing, mind you – but she would talk constantly about my cousins and how AMAZING they are (ones going to college for an opera singer, one gets scholarships, etc. etc.) – but they ignore her and yeah..while my family has always – ALWAYS – been there for her. She looks at us like we’re “below” – it’s not fair and I just don’t like that.

Siblings, well..yah…lol. Not going there. Just, not..

Blah, vent done – *closes book* I have someone waiting on me to go to bed – lol – and I’m usually the one who waits, holy crap – it’s the twilight zone. RUN! (loves you though – you know who you are)

Yup, still flying. Yup. Yup. Even stronger too, yup yup yup – not fallin either. Maybe fallin in a different way, but…I’m fine with that!!! YAY!!!!

And god, I feel “special” – today esp has been like, bad lol. Trust me on this one, oi. And I felt sick most of the day

But V-day was awesome. Of course it was awesome, but yeah – it was very meaningful in every word possible. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.